Goofus was just elected president and has promised to do his best to unify and heal the nation. Gallant was just elected president and will unify and heal at all costs or else perish in the attempt!

Goofus tries to use the power of his office to sign executive orders that implement his priorities. Gallant refrains from implementing any agenda at all, knowing that it will not be very unifying to try to lord “power” over his political opponents.

Goofus changes some of the policies of his predecessor, who did, after all, lose the election for a reason. Gallant knows that true unity means continuing the policies of his predecessor unaltered, without criticism!

Goofus gets inaugurated and has a celebration. Gallant knows that getting inaugurated and having a celebration would just rub his victory in the face of people who need unity and healing the most.

Goofus tries to hold people accountable for attempting to incite an insurrection. Gallant knows that we as a country can truly heal only if we bury this deadly attack on our entire system of government in a deep hole and never speak of it again!

Goofus tries to govern using his majority in Congress. Gallant sits back and waits for congressional Republicans to filibuster all his legislative priorities.

Goofus knows that people elected him for a reason and tries to follow through on the promises he made. Gallant knows that reminding people that he was elected is painful and unpleasant for them and he had better stop tearing this nation apart!

Goofus moves into the White House, traditionally the residence of the president. Gallant sets up a tent nearby so as not to step on any toes.

Goofus redecorates the Oval Office. Gallant makes sure to keep Andrew Jackson’s portrait centered and dusted!

Goofus urges the passage of an additional stimulus, ignoring the objections of people who seem to have suddenly and conveniently remembered they care about the debt for the first time. Gallant discourages the stimulus to respond to their objections, which he takes in good faith.

Goofus knows he is the president now. Gallant knows that any power held by a Democrat is fundamentally illegitimate and ought not to be exercised lest it bother people and undermine our wonderful new sense of unity.

Goofus thinks “unity” is being twisted to mean something that it did not originally mean and that if implemented will completely hamstring anyone who is elected, ever.

Gallant loves unity!

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Post Senior Producer Kate Woodsome talks to Americans who voted for Trump, or simply don't feel like denouncing him, about why they feel wrongly scorned. (The Washington Post)

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