“So,” he says. “Harmful conspiracy theories. I can’t imagine what it would be like espousing one of those.”

II. Marjorie Taylor Greene arrives in Leader McCarthy’s office. “Before you say anything,” she says, “I have got to defend myself: When I filmed and posted all those things, I was much younger and didn’t know any better.”

“It was two years ago.”

She shrugs. “You know how long the past two years have been.”

He shrugs. “Well, don’t do it again.”

She winks.

III. Marjorie Taylor Greene arrives in Leader McCarthy’s office. “Before you say anything,” she says. “I have brought the secret team of social media managers who were actually responsible for everything I said and posted, not me, even though I was a private citizen at the time!”

Leader McCarthy squints very hard, but he cannot see them.

“It’s okay now, right?” Marjorie Taylor Greene asks. “Because I explained it.”

“It must be,” Leader McCarthy says.

IV. Marjorie Taylor Greene arrives in Leader McCarthy’s office. The entire Republican caucus is there, so there is nowhere for her to sit.

“Are we having a conversation?” she asks.

“Oh,” he says. “No, I forgot, we’re actually removing you from your committees and censuring you. Did I say ‘conversation’? That would have been a cop-out. We all stand courageously against democracy-rattling conspiracy theories of all kinds as of . . . a week ago!”

V. Marjorie Taylor Greene arrives in Leader McCarthy’s office. She sits down in a chair. Leader McCarthy does not sit down. Leader McCarthy pulls down a screen on which to project her old videos. He fetches some eyedrops, an unpleasant-looking contraption and the music of Ludwig van Beethoven. “Have you ever seen ‘A Clockwork Orange’?” Leader McCarthy asks.

“Yes,” Marjorie Taylor Greene says.

“Oh,” Leader McCarthy says. “Yeah, no, never mind, ridiculous idea.”

VI. Marjorie Taylor Greene arrives in Leader McCarthy’s office. They talk about the weather for five minutes, then another five minutes, then another five minutes after that. He keeps her in his office talking about the weather for the next two years while the Republicans locate and run a suitable replacement in her district, so that although she is technically still in the caucus, she does not get to make any votes.

VII. Marjorie Taylor Greene arrives in Leader McCarthy’s office. When he closes the door, there is a luminous portal leading back in time to 2015, before she became involved with QAnon or threats to elected officials or any other hateful conspiracy theories. “Step through the door,” Leader McCarthy says. “Choose something different.”

“Will you be coming, too?” she asks.

He swallows visibly. “I’ll be right after you.”

VIII. Marjorie Taylor Greene arrives in Leader McCarthy’s office. He whispers two words to her and her life is changed completely. She leaves office immediately in shame and dedicates the rest of her time on Earth to atoning to the people she has hurt.

IX. Marjorie Taylor Greene arrives in Leader McCarthy’s office. He whispers two words to her and her life is changed completely, even though no one can see or notice any change, so she stays in the caucus and keeps her committee assignments. “It’s fine,” he tells the members of Congress for whose executions she indicated support. “I fixed it. She’s a different person now.”

X. Marjorie Taylor Greene arrives in Leader McCarthy’s office. They have a conversation and it fixes everything, as though by magic. It goes so well that Leader McCarthy has this conversation with almost 30 percent of the Republican Party, and finally himself.

XI. Marjorie Taylor Greene arrives in Leader McCarthy’s office. She sits down in a chair, and Leader McCarthy sits down in a chair.

“Hello,” Leader McCarthy says. There is a pause. “So, uh. Those posts. Not great.”

Marjorie Taylor Greene stares in front of her, unchastened.

“In fact, I would even go so far as to say, they were . . . bad.”

He waits for a response.

“But that’s, uh, that’s over now?” Leader McCarthy says, hopefully, with a rising inflection.

Marjorie Taylor Greene shrugs.

“Great conversation,” Leader McCarthy says.

A resolution to expel Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) from Congress was drafted on Jan. 28, following her recently unveiled endorsements of political violence. (The Washington Post)

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