Spoiler Alerts will mostly be on hiatus for the rest of 2014. But before I wish you all a happy and healthy holiday season, I’d like to close the year with a plea to stop the War on Jewish Christmas.

Let me explain, As the short documentary film right below this paragraph demonstrates, many Jews have a very specific set of rituals when it comes to Christmas:

Chinese food and a movie. Perfectly pleasant rituals, made special by the fact that the Gentiles are all at home or at church. After a month or two of listening to Christmas music blasted everywhere, after weeks of avoiding malls and shopping centers because of frenzied Christmas shopping, finally the Jews can emerge and just enjoy a simple ethnic meal and a movie with the other minorities that make help make this country great.

No longer.

I don’t know when it became a thing for Christian families to also go see a movie on the day commemorating the birth of Jesus, but personal experience tells me this is a relatively recent phenomenon — i.e., the past 15 years or so. All I know is that what used to be a pleasant movie-going experience is now extremely crowded.

Going to the movies is only half of the Jewish Christmas tradition. But as Wonkblog’s Roberto Ferdman noted Tuesday, the other half of the tradition also appears to be catching on:

Interest in Chinese food spikes considerably each and every year on Christmas, as evidenced by Google search trends. No other day during the year compares, or even comes close….
In addition, online delivery service GrubHub has noted a very clear and significant jump in sales at participating Chinese restaurants on Christmas….
There are how-to guides for celebrating ‘Jewish Christmas’ (i.e. where to find the best Chinese food in New York City and Washington D.C.); there are entire reddit discussions dedicated to uncovering the origins of the tradition; there are even songsyoutube videos, and memes that poke fun at the peculiar habit.

Ferdman attributes the spike in interest to more Orthodox Jews getting involved, but I wonder if there are enough of them to explain the spike. Could it be that Christians be horning in on the action?

For years, Christian conservatives have obsessed about the “War on Christmas.” Well, I am here to say that the real threat all along as been the stealth War on Jewish Christmas. Christians in the United States are defeating Jewish Christmas the only way they know how — by assimilating those customs into their own Gentile rituals.

Seriously, Christians are worse than the Borg on this. And, like Captain Picard, it’s time to fight back:

So, my dear Christian readers, I beg of you: On the day honoring the birth of your messiah, go to church. Or stay at home. But please, I implore you, defer going to a movie or grabbing some kung pao chicken until Dec.  26. On Dec. 25, leave Jewish Christmas for the Jews.

Joyeux Noel, everyone!!!