As Wisconsinites trudge off to vote today, the hard-working staff here at Spoiler Alerts confesses to feeling a mixture of pity and schadenfreude watching Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus trying to navigate this dumpster fire of the GOP primary process. A sample of his more unintentionally amusing tweets from the past month:

This kind of spinning is Priebus’s job, but making claims like these during the most divisive GOP primary process in 40 years requires many complex layers of defense mechanisms that I can only begin to fathom.

How good is Priebus at being optimistic? He makes Kevin Bacon look shaky here.

It got me to thinking: How does the world look in Reince Priebus’s eyes? If this is how he views the current state of the GOP, what does he think of other real and theoretical global trouble sports?

THE EUROPEAN UNION ACCORDING TO REINCE PRIEBUS: “The E.U. has never been stronger. Only officials in Brussels are offering new ideas and tackling the welter of issues challenging the continent.”

NORTH KOREA ACCORDING TO REINCE PRIEBUS: “Only Kim Jong Un can offer a sustainable path forward to peace and prosperity across Northeast Asia.”

THE BOSTON RED SOX ACCORDING TO REINCE PRIEBUS: “Finishing last in the AL East three out of the last four years is just an example of the organization’s disruptive innovation at work. This is the beginning of 10 straight years of World Series trophies.”

BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE ACCORDING TO RIENCE PRIEBUS: “This was the feel-good movie of 2016! So many layers of complexity. It will win at least 10 Oscars next March, you wait and see!”

THE WALKING DEAD ACCORDING TO REINCE PRIEBUS: “Alexandria has never been stronger. Only Rick will offer the kind of leadership that the community needs to totally appease Negan.”

I’m sure there is some long word in German to describe the mixture of shock, disbelief, pity and mild awe at the sunny statements that come out of Priebus’s mouth.

It’s not quite chutzpah, but it’s something.