To recap the last, oh, 15 hours of this presidential campaign:

  • CNBC’s Eamon Javers reported that while FBI Director James B. Comey felt obligated to inform everyone Congress that the Hillary Clinton email investigation was a thing again, he “argued privately that it was too close to Election Day for the United States government to name Russia as meddling in the U.S. election.” Okay.
  • Slate’s Franklin Foer wrote a story about a curious connection between a Donald Trump organization computer server and a Russian bank.
  • Mother Jones’s David Corn reported that “a former senior intelligence officer for a Western country who specialized in Russian counterintelligence” has informed the FBI that “the Russian government has for years tried to co-opt and assist Trump.”
  • The New York Times’s Eric Lichtblau and Steven Lee Myers report that the FBI looked into the allegations made in Foer’s article, as well as other rumored connections between the Trump campaign and the Russian government. They concluded that “none of the investigations so far have found any conclusive or direct link between Mr. Trump and the Russian government. And even the hacking into Democratic emails, F.B.I. and intelligence officials now believe, was aimed at disrupting the presidential election rather than electing Mr. Trump.”
  • The Times also has a front-page article on Trump’s taxes, reporting that in the early 1990s he took advantage of a loophole that conferred “enormous tax benefits on Mr. Trump for losing vast amounts of other people’s money.”
  • The intelligence people in my Twitter feed kept positing variations of this argument that I’m not going to repeat here because even Spoiler Alerts thinks it’s “out there.”
  • A Washington Post-ABC News tracking poll now has Trump up by a point.

To repeat — this all happened in the past 15 hours.

Furthermore, it came at the end of a month in which some serious October surprises — Trump’s taxes, Trump’s “Access Hollywood” tape, the accusations of numerous women that Trump had sexually assaulted them, David Fahrenthold’s outstanding reporting on the scam that is the Trump Foundation, Comey alerting Congress about the possibility of more Clinton emails, followed by every single FBI and Justice Department employee leaking something about the investigation to their favorite reporter.

Indeed, so many stories were coming so fast that some smaller ones got buried. For example, it turns out that the Trump Foundation gave money to actress Jenny McCarthy’s anti-vaccination charity. I think that story merits way more attention, but I’ll grant that there has been a lot of stuff flying around, so it got lost in the shuffle.

So here’s my question: Are there any more surprises that will drop between now and Election Day next week?

Seriously, what’s left that could happen? As someone who has been obsessing about this election for way too long, I now find myself experiencing some new level of numb, in which last-minute revelations can’t really shock me anymore. Last-minute FBI surprises? Sure, okay. Russian hacking? Why not!

Extrapolating from the flurry of bogus and not-so-bogus revelations that dropped Monday night, here are the surprises that might drop this week:

  1. Chelsea Clinton and Ivanka Trump are kidnapped by rogue KGB agents demanding that Americans vote for the “right candidate” — or else. Six hours later, it turns out that Chelsea and Ivanka made up that story as a cover to let them go on a three-day bender in Atlantic City.
  2. Corey Lewandowski, in a moment of conscience, cracks under pressure and admits live on CNN that Donald Trump runs a giant international sex-trafficking ring.
  3. Gary Johnson pays for half an hour of television on all the cable news networks Monday night. In that half an hour, he calmly confesses that he’s actually an extraterrestrial from Dimension Zurg-7 and that it would be a “very good idea” to elect him president so his species doesn’t wipe out the planet.
  4. Hillary Clinton finally tells the world that she is a vampire, sworn to hunt down werewolves in a centuries-long conflict. The last bloodline of pure werewolves turns out to have been the Dumpf clan from Germany. In a battle royale on the night before Election Day, Clinton and her elite vampire team attacks Trump Tower and try to take down the entire Trump Clan.
  5. Trump is exposed as a candidate who doesn’t really care whether he tells the truth, has zero conception of how the global economy works, advocates giving Saudi Arabia nuclear weapons, announces an economic plan that would explode the deficit and send the United States into a recession, questioned the full faith and credit of the United States, and has handled every crisis in his campaign in the most immature fashion possible.

I wonder how many of those possibilities turn out to be true.