Daniel W. Drezner is a professor of international politics at the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy at Tufts University and a regular contributor to PostEverything.

Generic photo of President Trump looking sad. In this particular case, the photo is Trump listening during a working luncheon with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan in the Cabinet Room of the White House on Tuesday, May 16, 2017. (Photo by Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post)

[EDITOR’S NOTE: The hardworking staff here at Spoiler Alerts is currently on the road promoting his new book The Ideas Industry: How Pessimists, Partisans, and Plutocrats are Transforming the Marketplace of Ideas. While on the road, Daniel Drezner has left the following template to deploy for the daily bombshell that emanates from the Trump White House. Please enjoy! Oh, and please buy many copies of The Ideas Industry: How Pessimists, Partisans, and Plutocrats are Transforming the Marketplace of Ideas because oh dear God we can’t even with his book promotion.]

Sentence referencing previous Spoiler Alerts warning about [THAT THING TRUMP DID.]

Clever witticism that includes the phrase “hardworking staff here at Spoiler Alerts” about how [THAT THING TRUMP DID] would be super-bad.

Link to bombshell news story here documenting [THAT THING TRUMP DID]

Quote from bombshell story:

President Trump asked the F.B.I. director, James B. Comey, to shut down the federal investigation into Mr. Trump’s former national security adviser, Michael T. Flynn, in an Oval Office meeting in February, according to a memo Mr. Comey wrote shortly after the meeting.

“I hope you can let this go,” the president told Mr. Comey, according to the memo.

The existence of Mr. Trump’s request is the clearest evidence that the president has tried to directly influence the Justice Department and F.B.I. investigation into links between Mr. Trump’s associates and Russia.

Embed salient 1980s movie chestnut/Star Wars/Star Trek reference that effortlessly connects to [THAT THING TRUMP DID.]

Paragraph relaying White House denials of [THAT THING TRUMP DID].

Subsequent links to [WASHINGTON POST, REUTERS, NEW YORK TIMES, BUZZFEED] stories that corroborate the original report.

Additional links to [POLITICO, AXIOS, DAILY BEAST, NEW YORK TIMES, WASHINGTON POST] stories composed of White House staff providing variations of how Trump is a toddler and can’t be managed but they could totally do a better job of it if other idiot staffers weren’t giving him lousy advice.

Quote from conservative commentator for whom [THAT THING TRUMP DID] is the final straw for at least two weeks.

Paragraph with quotes from [BREITBART, THE FEDERALIST, NRO] in which anti-anti-Trumpers suggest that the mainstream media hasn’t reported [THAT THING TRUMP DID] accurately at all.

Tweets from Trump confirming everything in the initial bombshell story and undercutting everyone who played down the story in public.

Second wave of anti-anti-Trumper comments noting that [THAT THING TRUMP DID] was legal because he’s the president and that his supporters in [MISBEGOTTEN RUST BELT TOWN NAME] just don’t care about this, so why should we?

A few paragraphs explaining why [THAT THING TRUMP DID] is bad even if it’s not unprecedented. Link to subject matter expert explaining this particular snafu. Link to Lawfare post explaining in agonizing detail what new legal cesspool [THAT THING TRUMP DID] has created.

Clucking comment about how the previously unscathed Trump official has now squandered their credibility by trying to publicly deflect for [THAT THING TRUMP DID].

Quotes/links to Republican members of Congress ducking the media/stalwartly defending the administration regarding [THAT THING TRUMP DID]. Resigned explanation that [NEIL M. GORSUCH AND OTHER THINGS TRUMP DID] pleases conservatives and therefore despite Trump’s sagging polling numbers and the latest [THAT THING TRUMP DID], the average Republican member of Congress will only distance himself from Trump after the GOP starts losing elections they have won in recent cycles.

Sigh wearily.

Note [THAT THING TRUMP DID] is further evidence that Trump is beclowning the executive branch and leading to the end of American exceptionalism. Wry reference to developing country authoritarian politics.

Close with witty comment about how [THAT THING TRUMP DID] will at least distract the media from [THAT THING TRUMP DID YESTERDAY].


Select the correct photo/caption/headline.

Drain large bottle of whiskey.

Repeat as necessary.