Yankees infielder/Orioles tormentor/Gary Thorne muse Gleyber Torres. (Frank Franklin II/Associated Press)

Yankees infielder Gleyber Torres continued his season-long humiliation of the Orioles’ pitching staff on Monday, hitting three home runs in a day-night doubleheader to give him 13 against Baltimore this season. It’s the most by one player against one team over one season in the division era (since 1969), and one away from tying Lou Gehrig for the record, set in 1936 in 23 games against the Cleveland Indians.

Put differently, exactly half of Torres’s 26 home runs this season have come against one team, and Orioles play-by-play announcer Gary Thorne has been there for every one of them. Axios sports editor Kendall Baker, doing the lord’s work, ginned up a supercut of Thorne’s 13 Torres home run calls this season. It’s a penetrating look at a man who seems to be questioning the order of things.

Thorne’s home run calls work even better, however, in a more literary form. I don’t think I’m being hyperbolic here by saying that the following 13-stanza poem, created entirely from Thorne’s words, is the finest piece of baseball verse since “Casey at the Bat.”

Goodbye, home run

By Gary Thorne

In the air to left field

Will it carry?

It’s deep

Going back

Looking up and

Goodbye, home run.

High in the air

Going to left field

Way back

Smith at the wall, looking and

Goodbye, home run.

Torres will put it to center field

That is deep

Way back

At the wall


Oh my

Center field

Way back

Going back

And looking

This is unbelievable.

That one to left field


Got a lot of it

Goodbye, home run.

In the air to center field

Ball tagged pretty well

Wilkerson going back and looking

Another one

Goodbye, home run

Oh what a day for Gleyber Torres.

Torres drives that ball to center field

Hit deep

Going back, near the wall

Wilkerson, maybe


Goodbye, home run

Get him out of there

Don’t throw to him.

That ball put up in the air

To left field

It is hit deep

Going back

At the wall and

Goodbye, home run

On the very first pitch.

Torres pops that one in the air

That’s to left-center field

Wilkerson back

I … I dunno

Goodbye, home run

I just …

You cannot imagine this happening.

In the air to right field

Mancini going back on the ball by Torres

Way back, up and … gah!

I don’t even know.

Torres drives one and that’s gonna be gone

Oh my goodness.

A towering flyball

Way back

Left-center field




Way back left field

You gotta be kidding me

Goodbye, home run.

Torres and the Yankees have two more games against the Orioles this season, on Tuesday and Wednesday, so there’s a chance this poem will grow before it is sent to the Pulitzer people for prize consideration.

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