In the weeks since Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, and seven others were killed in a California helicopter crash, Vanessa Bryant has offered glimpses into the pain she feels as she and her three daughters adjust to the loss of a third of their family.

“I’ve been reluctant to put my feelings into words,” she wrote Monday on Instagram, her preferred way of balancing communication and privacy. “My brain refuses to accept that both Kobe and Gigi are gone. I can’t process both at the same time.

“It’s like I’m trying to process Kobe being gone but my body refuses to accept my Gigi will never come back to me. It feels wrong. Why should I be able to wake up another day when my baby girl isn’t being able to have that opportunity?! I’m so mad. She had so much life to live.

“Then I realize I need to be strong and be here for my 3 daughters. Mad I’m not with Kobe and Gigi but thankful I’m here with Natalia, Bianka and Capri. I know what I’m feeling is normal. It’s part of the grieving process. I just wanted to share in case there’s anyone out there that’s experienced a loss like this. God I wish they were here and this nightmare would be over. Praying for all of the victims of this horrible tragedy. Please continue to pray for all.”

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I’ve been reluctant to put my feelings into words. My brain refuses to accept that both Kobe and Gigi are gone. I can’t process both at the same time. It’s like I’m trying to process Kobe being gone but my body refuses to accept my Gigi will never come back to me. It feels wrong. Why should I be able to wake up another day when my baby girl isn’t being able to have that opportunity?! I’m so mad. She had so much life to live. Then I realize I need to be strong and be here for my 3 daughters. Mad I’m not with Kobe and Gigi but thankful I’m here with Natalia, Bianka and Capri. I know what I’m feeling is normal. It’s part of the grieving process. I just wanted to share in case there’s anyone out there that’s experienced a loss like this. God I wish they were here and this nightmare would be over. Praying for all of the victims of this horrible tragedy. Please continue to pray for all.

A post shared by Vanessa Bryant 🦋 (@vanessabryant) on

In an earlier post, she had referred to “the respect and privacy we will need to navigate this new reality.” Last week that included attending a ceremony in which Harbor Day School in Corona Del Mar, Calif., retired the No. 2 jersey Gianna wore while playing basketball there. Bryant shared images from the ceremony on Instagram and wrote: “My Gigi. I love you! I miss you. You’ve taught us all that no act of kindness is ever too small. Mommy is still and will ALWAYS be so proud of you mamacita.”

In another post from the ceremony, Bryant shared a photo of her daughter and wrote, “My Gianna. God I miss you. I’ve been so lucky to have waked up to see your gorgeous face and amazing smile for 13 years. Wish it would’ve been until my last breath. Mommy loves you to the moon and back. Infinity plus 1. #2 #Mambacita”

A celebration of life for Bryant and Gianna will be held Feb. 24 at Staples Center, long nicknamed “The House that Kobe Built.” The home of the Lakers attracted thousands of Bryant fans and other mourners in the days shortly after the crash. Last week, the area around the arena was cleared, Staples Center President Lee Zeidman said on Twitter that items left at makeshift memorials included 1,353 basketballs, over 25,000 candles, 5,000 signs, letters and flags, over 500 stuffed animals and over 350 pairs of shoes. Some of the items were reportedly given to Vanessa Bryant.

The 02-24-2020 date was chosen, Vanessa Bryant wrote, because Gianna wore No. 2, Kobe wore No. 24 and 2020 signifies his number of “years as a Laker and the amount of years Kobe and I were together.”

Bryant and his daughter were en route to a girls’ basketball tournament at his Mamba Sports Academy, traveling with two of her young teammates, three of their parents and an assistant coach when the helicopter their pilot, Ara Zobayan, was flying crashed Jan. 26 in mountains near Calabasas, Calif. There were no survivors.

A memorial service for John Altobelli, a legendary baseball coach at Orange Coast College, his wife Keri and daughter Alyssa was held Monday evening in Angels Stadium. Services for Christina Mauser, an assistant coach to Bryant, are set for Feb. 16 at Edison High School in Huntington Beach. Mauser, a wife and mother of three who also worked at Mamba, had attended Edison and formerly coached at Gianna’s Harbor Day School. A memorial service was held Saturday for Sarah Chester and her daughter Payton at Saint Margaret’s Episcopal School in San Juan Capistrano, where Payton was a student.