Rex Grossman has been making headlines ever since the NFL lockout ended. He made headlines for being in shape, or not, depending on whom you asked. He made headlines for being named the starting quarterback despite the apparent bromance between John Beck and the Shanahans.
But most of all, he’s made headlines for the things he has said. First, he predicted the Washington Redskins would win the NFC East. Then he said of his fellow Redskins: “This is the best wide receiver corps in the league, in my opinion, from top to bottom.”
Well, entering Week 6, the Redskins are alone atop the NFC East, and while the receiving corps isn’t the best in the league quite yet, it’s firmly in the middle, which considering where the Redskins were a year ago isn’t bad.
So is Grossman the Neo of Washington? Can he see The Matrix? And if so, why doesn’t it prevent him from throwing interceptions?
Seriously, is Grossman some sort of burgundy-clad prophet for our time? Should we be hanging on his every utterance? Because most folks don’t realize Grossman makes these declarations all the time. Just this morning, he called the sunrise “the best dawn of the month,” while at the same time predicting that “tomorrow’s will be even better.”
Here are some other less-publicized bon mots from the oracle:
“If I had to choose one color of pants to wear for the rest of my life, it would be gold.”
“I don’t know if anyone deserves to be called Sexy Rexy, but if anyone does, it’s me.”
“I can believe it’s not butter.”
“Stay thirsty, my friends.”
Grossman already has at least one follower. Deion Sanders has taken the red pill, saying on the NFL Network that “Rex Grossman may be the best quarterback right now in the NFC East. Yeah, I said it, and I didn’t stutter. He may be.”
In other words: Grossman is The One. And you know Sanders is credible because he once wore a burgundy and gold suit. So if Grossman is our next prophet, here are some things we don’t want to hear Grossman say:
“The media is really missing that Tony Romo story. What a hero!”
“I hope bell bottoms make a comeback.”
“What D.C. needs is more drivers.”
“Too bad Dick Vitale doesn’t call football games.”
“I’m thinking of dressing up like Albert Haynesworth for Halloween.”
“The BCS needs more computer polls.”
“If the occupiers run out of room downtown, there’s plenty of space in Ashburn.”
“Haggis should replace turkey for Thanksgiving.”
“I think the Eagles are on the verge of turning this thing around!”