Technically, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell did say there is risk sitting on the couch. (Mike Lawrie/Getty Images)

I waited a week — out of respect to the golden anniversary of the Super Bowl — to address concussionologist and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s remarks just before The Big Game, when he asked whether it was safe for young people to play football.

“If I had a son, I’d love to have him play the game of football,” Goodell said. “There’s risk in life. There’s risk in sitting on the couch.”

There’s risk in sitting on the couch.

When I was 7 or 8 years old, I remember my mother telling me three things that informed the rest of my adolescence:

1. “There’s risk in standing under a chandelier.”

2. “There’s risk in waiting behind your brother in line at the deli.”

3. “There’s risk in combing your hair.”

She mentioned nothing about the couch, but she was a busy woman — her arroz con pollo was to die for — so I assume it was just a minor oversight in proper parenting.

There’s risk in sitting on the couch.

Goodell generally earns about $40 million a year — you would think he is more familiar with French chateaux than chaise longues — but he actually has amazing couch Spidey sense. For instance, a woman over age 40 is more likely to get hit by lightning on a sofa than find a husband on (Source: ESPN Stats & Info.)

And if you just google “couch mishaps,” you would find countless incidents:

● In Hancock, Maine, in October 2015, a 30-year-old female “in a fit of rage” went to her ex-boyfriend’s residence and set his couch on fire; thankfully, he wasn’t sitting on it.

● A Louisiana woman sued a furniture store where she was shopping, claiming that in September 2013 she was injured when a sofa she sat in slid backward, causing her head to strike a metal shelf resulting in head and neck pain, dizziness and disorientation. She did not purchase the couch.

● And, of course, in November 2002, in the throes of heroin addiction, New Jersey mobster Christopher Moltisanti fell asleep on the couch and accidentally sat on and killed Cosette, the dog of his girlfriend, Adriana; the couple eventually broke up.

There’s risk in sitting on the couch.

By definition, Couch Slouch spends a lot of time on couches. And, indeed, in a checkered and star-crossed adulthood, the worst moments of my life have come on my favorite piece of furniture:

March 31, 1979: While looking between the cushions for change to pay the pizza delivery guy, I find an eviction notice I had not seen — “three months’ rent overdue” — telling me that I had to vacate the apartment by the next morning.

June 4, 1983: Visiting my friend Myles in Little Rock, I lay out to watch a “Starsky & Hutch” rerun on TV. But the couch turns out to be a Murphy sofa-bed, and after dozing off, I inadvertently touch some mechanism that closes the contraption, trapping me in the wall for 3 1/2 hours until Myles gets back from his Ultimate Frisbee tournament.

Feb. 10, 1990: While sitting on a couch we picked out together, my first wife tells me that our “trial reconciliation” — which followed our “trial separation” — is over, which, of course, leads to our “trial divorce,” which has held up for 25 years and counting.

Jan. 19, 2002: On a new divan purchased after my second divorce, I take in the Raiders-Patriots AFC divisional playoff contest, the improbable “Tuck Rule Game” won implausibly by the Patriots because of referee Walt Coleman’s inconceivable tuck ruling, leading me to 14 seasons of misery rooting futilely against Tom Brady and New England.

There’s risk in sitting on the couch.

Heck, I’m sitting on a couch right now, watching Roger Goodell talk on TV, and, yes, I feel at risk.

Ask The Slouch

Q. If you were appointed Poker Czar with unlimited power over the game, would you institute drastic changes like David Stern’s NBA dress code in 2005 or implement smaller changes like banning Mike Matusow’s fanny pack? (Vernun Maxwell; Cornelius, N.C.)

A. I just want people to wash their hands when they go to the bathroom.

Q. Are you related to N’Djamena Chad? (Hugh Biggar; Sacramento)

A. My staff is checking on this.

Q. With the recent struggles of the Canadian NHL teams, do you see Gary Bettman relocating any of them to a traditional hockey market, such as Atlanta, Orlando or Tucson? (David Driscoll; Washington)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. Is it true that drug lord “El Chapo” is actually Stan Van Gundy after binge-shopping at American Apparel? (Jeff Kemp; Bethesda)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. Was Derek Fisher let go as coach of the Knicks so he could spend more time with Matt Barnes’s family? (Stephen Pappas; White Plains, N.Y.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email,and if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!