Like many of you, I am in the process of navigating two distinct centuries of American living. Eighteen years in, I am finally settling into 21st-century ways, but, frankly, the 20th century is always on my mind.

What I Miss About the 20th Century:

Pinball, duckpin bowling, Skee-Ball and Game Boy.

Whole milk and chocolate milk.

Chris Schenkel, Ray Scott, Curt Gowdy.

AM radio.

The “Wide World of Sports”/Pro Bowlers Tour three-hour block Saturday afternoons on ABC.

Double features and doubleheaders.

The Rose Bowl, Cotton Bowl, Sugar Bowl and Cotton Bowl all on New Year’s Day.

The Eisenhower administration (oh, what a blissful time to be in a crib).

Finding newspapers to read that people left behind in airport gate areas.

“Soul Train.”

Taking towels home from Ramada Inns and Holiday Inns.

Opening up the Playboy centerfold while in my dentist’s waiting room.

The Rolodex.

The Atlantic Ocean (as Burt Lancaster said in “Atlantic City,” “The Atlantic Ocean was something then”).

A big heavyweight title fight.

The Ampad #20-247 legal size “Dual Pad” with double-thick backing.

Bookstores.

“The Tonight Show” with Johnny Carson and “Later” with Tom Snyder.

Directory assistance and the Yellow Pages.

The Olympics every four years instead of every other year.

No Internet, no smartphones, no connectivity to ANYONE.

1983 (last year before my first marriage).

What I Don’t Miss About the 20th Century:

Red Auerbach with his victory cigar.

Pay toilets.

Smoking on airplanes (though the smoking section was always more fun than the nonsmoking section).

Twelve-mile-per-gallon American cars.

Reggie! candy bars.

Static on AM radio.

Any time the Yankees, Mets, Knicks or Giants won a championship.

That Miss Cleo’s Psychic Friends Network infomercial.

Beach volleyball.

Styrofoam food containers.

Long lines at the post office (actually, as much as I love the U.S. Postal Service, this remains a 21st-century problem).

Sansabelt baseball pants.

Discman.

Trying to find the safest place to wait for your train at Penn Station in New York.

Luggage that didn’t roll.

Dropping 50 cents into a pay phone several times a night to get game updates on Sports Phone (this was a gambling-related problem).

Snowy or blurry pictures on pre-cable antenna TV.

“The Dennis Miller Show,” “The Chevy Chase Show,” “The Magic Hour.”

Blockbuster (VHS or Beta).

Cars without air conditioning.

No score or game time at the bottom of the screen.

While traveling in Spain, wondering whether my next hotel room would be con baño or sin baño.

1984 and 1999 (weddings gone wrong).

Ask The Slouch

Q. Why do baseball umpires make a demonstrative motion when calling a strike but are virtually motionless when calling a ball? (Erin Fowler; Pittsburgh)

A. To quote astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, “The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.”

Q. Does The Slouch recommend a scouting combine, advanced statistics or free agency to select wives? (Jack O’Brien; Fairfax, Va.)

A. I’m old school — I still go to Radio Shack and ask out anybody in the store.

Q. The Washington R*dsk*ns no longer have a waiting list for season tickets. To what do you attribute this? (Bill Robbins; College Park, Md.)

A. If Daniel Snyder ran NASA, we would still be trying to put a man on the moon.

Q. Isn’t having an AOL address the technological equivalent of wearing bell-bottoms? (Chris Rocchio; Castleton, N.Y.)

A. I am wearing bell-bottoms right now. What’s your point?

Q. If DeMarcus Cousins texts James Harden next week to congratulate him for winning the NBA MVP award, will Cousins be assessed a flagrant foul, allowing Harden to shoot two free throws the next time their teams meet? (James McPherson; Spokane, Wash.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. The United States, Canada and Mexico are co-hosting the 2026 World Cup. How will the team from Mexico get over the wall? (Stephen Pappas; White Plains, N.Y.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. After the disastrous G-7 summit, do you think relations with Canada would improve if we let them win the Stanley Cup every once in a while? (John Choi; Cary, N.C.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com, and if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!