Delta Air Lines pilot Peter Weber debuted as 2020′s man of the minute on Monday night’s premiere of “The Bachelor.” Thanks to Weber’s profession, every commercial leading up to the show was jam-packed with cringeworthy aviation-related one-liners to really hammer the point that Peter’s romantic journey is about to take flight. The ads were just a taste of what was to come.
Shortly into the show, Weber, who believes that love conquers all, makes his entrance at an airplane hangar wearing aviator-ish glasses and a leather jacket a la “Top Gun.” He gets into a sporty little plane and flies to meet the contestants.
“I’m in the captain’s chair now,” Weber tells us as he lands in Los Angeles. “We’re going to have one hell of an adventure. I’m going to go find my wife.”
Weber is off to the famed Bachelor franchise mansion, where host Chris Harrison welcomes him to the show and to the season’s most iconic moment: the introductions.
The many, many women are all stunning. They have jobs you’ve heard of (lawyer, cosmetologist) and names you have not (Avonlea). To introduce themselves to their potential future husband, the candidates recite pre-written puns in front of the camera.
Because this is the Internet, we decided to document all of the awkward hugs, the nervous laughs and the truly unbelievable travel humor that went down in those moments. Buckle up. Here are the worst travel jokes to air during “The Bachelor’s” intro.
1. “I’m here for the flight reasons.”
Eunice, a flight attendant from Chicago, floats in with a lavender dress and white angel wings. She comes prepared with her zinger: “Since I’m a flight attendant and you’re a pilot, I thought I’d just wing it.” Weber obviously loved the wings, as he is looking for his co-pilot.
Eunice sashays away, her voice-over commenting that Weber may have a tough time remembering her name among the fray of beautiful women. She hopes she has an edge because “I’m a flight attendant, I’m different, you know?” Brutally, the show’s editors cut to the next scene where Weber meets Jade, a flight attendant from Arizona. Seconds later, he meets Megan who is, in fact, another flight attendant.
As the rest of the women in the house cackle at the realization that there are three flight attendants in attendance, Eunice smirks away from the pack, clearly annoyed. She haunts us all with a last thought, complete with a salute hand gesture.
“Apparently everyone and their mother is a flight attendant, but I’m not worried,” Eunice says. “I mean, I’m here for the flight reasons."
2. “This is Ashley P., she’s my emotional support cow.”
Jenna, a nursing student, walks a massive live cow up to Weber. Bold move, Jenna. We like it. Weber liked it.
“This is Ashley P., she’s my emotional support cow,” Jenna explains.
The joke works on Weber, who gets a chance to bond with the cow after Jenna walks into the mansion where the joke has not yet landed. Many of the women are confused about whether the cow is a pony or what Jenna’s point was with bringing the pony-cow.
3. “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Flight 143 with direct service to Peter’s heart.”
Megan, the third flight attendant in the group, comes into focus with a handheld speakerphone as an accessory, more accurately portraying her profession than Miss Artistic Liberties, Eunice.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Megan begins, “welcome aboard Flight 143 with direct service to Peter’s heart, my name is Megan. I’ll be your person this evening.” Clever? Maybe. Horrible? Absolutely.
4. “I’m going for the Mile High Club.”
Contestant Courtney comes in all the way hot with an on-brand entrance.
“Hi, Peter!” a voice perks up from the dark night shadows. Faux air traffic controllers taxi a wobbling figure to the set. “Hopefully I don’t hit any turbulence on my way up!”
Courtney wheels in on a fake plane, and Weber assures her that there are smooth skies.
“I’m going for the Mile High Club,” Courtney beams to the confessional camera in the next shot. “I’m in it to win it."
5. “I successfully landed my plane, so hopefully all that’s left to do is land your heart.”
Like a parent coaxing a picky child to eat vegetables, “Bachelor” contestant Madison pretends to be an airplane as her method of standing out.
“Big paper airplane, let’s go!” she squeals, presenting herself in a paper airplane.
The age-old mealtime trick works. Weber lets her know he’s feeling it, giving her landing a 10 out of 10.
“I successfully landed my plane, so hopefully all that’s left to do is land your heart,” Madison replies.
6. “Wow, I’ve made it to my final destination.”
Most women introducing themselves to Weber exit from a limousine with elegance. They’re all wearing pageant gowns along with TV-ready hair and makeup. But not Kiarra.
A cart with a few suitcases stacked on top gets rolled out to Weber’s foreground.
“What is this? Got some baggage?” Weber asks.
His shock is warranted. How could there a human being inside of one of the pieces of luggage? But after some pleading with Weber to let her out of the suitcase in which she’s hidden, contestant Kiarra emerges. Weber is impressed.
Kiarra — who must have been trapped in there for what, hours? Days? Who knows? — pops up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, looking unbelievably good for someone who was just smashed in a suitcase.
“Wow, I’ve made it to my final destination,” she says, dreamily.
The women watching from inside are less amused: “It’s like, are you a co-pilot or are you baggage?"
Fair question, ladies.
7. “This really is the craziest flight of my life.”
Throughout the show’s intro, Weber can’t seem to stop saying he’s the luckiest guy in the world. He’s not wrong. Here’s a normal guy with a normal job, standing in front of a 7,590-square-foot mansion in a tuxedo while 29 beautiful women beg for his attention. The guy is lucky. The guy is also killing us with the zingers.
About 32 minutes into the live program, Weber reminds us that not only is he the luckiest guy in the world right now, but that “this really is the craziest flight of my life.”