It has a likeness of me, with my big, fat, white, bald head, leading The Bandwagon, throwing rose petals in its path. Immediately behind me are two horses pulling The Bandwagon, and one of them is saying, "Let's dump Gatorade on Kornheiser!"
It's the highlight of my career.
(It could have been worse. I could have been behind The Bandwagon with a shovel.)
The whole Bandwagon thing started out as a way to make fun of the Redskins and their fans (you folks who have bought this book, and now I hope will rush out to the bookstore and pick up a copy of my hilarious new collection, Bald As I Wanna Be, thank you, thank you very much).
Come on, you know how out of control Redskins fans get. When I came down to Washington from New York in 1979, I couldn't believe how much the Redskins mattered here, how the entire city came to a halt on Mondays to discuss the game from the previous day. New York is a terrific sports town there's two of everything there but nothing, NOTHING matters as much to New Yorkers as the Redskins matter to Washingtonians. You don't really think you could get male Giant fans to put on a housedress and a pig snout, do you? I mean, unless Anna Wintour said it was okay.
So I thought I'd tap into the perennial overreaction of Redskins fans by saying right away, after the very first game (a 45-0 croaking of Detroit, you might remember), that it was time to make airline reservations for the Super Bowl in Minneapolis.
I was KIDDING!
My plan was to pump up the Redskins to ridiculous size, like a balloon in the Thanksgiving Day Parade, then blow `em up real good as soon as they lost.
But the Redskins beat Dallas at Dallas, and then they killed Arizona, 34-0. Well, that was the Redskins' second straight shutout at home. So with weak Cincinnati coming next, the press began peppering Joe Gibbs about how good the Redskins were. And predictably, Gibbs, who is a Doomsday Machine, made the 0-3 Bengals into the 1927 Yankees. I added Gibbs to the columns as a staple character who'd say anything to cast his team in the role of massive underdog, even if they were playing one of the Seven Sisters schools.